{The Father of mercies and God of all comfort}

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Articulation

Ok, so I said I was going to try to put into words what I was feeling after I left my job. Well, it's taken me about a month to gather enough words. Here it goes...

I felt that after having served as part of my leadership team at the first school (my first job out of college) that it wasn't the place for me. I found inconsistencies in their teachers as well as the leadership's intentions. The mission statement said one thing and I found that the leaders of our school were doing something else. I felt conflicted about it and knew that I wanted to get away from the untruths and there was no room for professional growth. That's what I was telling myself. There technically was room for growth, but I worked so hard and started to get anxiety, so the job was not good for my health. I knew that I would only teach in early childhood education for one more year; I was at the first school two years. I planned to stay for three years then look elsewhere, but I pulled a Sarai/Sarah, if you will, and found the second job without consulting the Lord.

The interview was amazing, I wrote about it here. The coordinator, new director, and regional manager were saying things I wanted to hear. It seemed like this is what God wanted me to do when, in fact, my heart was only 70% in. My brain was saying 100% in, but I couldn't quite feel it. It was a brand new center with all new employees, and we were all swimming in the deep end trying to get things together. I felt confident, yet at the same time, I felt that some of the other teachers were better than I was. I pushed those thoughts aside and continued to remind myself that I was a strong teacher with an awesome education and serious background. I'm not just bragging here, but I was sooo good at being an infant teacher. I was awesome! So, when a position of leadership was given to someone with less experience and who was less qualified than me, I was mad. It came down to administrative work. I didn't have that much admin experience and that's why someone else was given the position.

At that point I felt really defeated. I was tired of fighting a system that wasn't going to prosper me. That's right, I wanted to succeed and not only succeed, but I wanted it now. I've always been really impatient with serious doubts about God's provision. He has provided and will continue to provide for Ryan and I, but I forget. We've been studying Genesis in "big church" and most of the stories have a recurring theme of: impatience, ignorance, and selfish desire. All of the things I've said about the last few months and the job situation can be described with those three words. I would also like to point out that those three characteristics appear in the first book of the Bible. I mean come on. Am I that silly that I've gone all the way back to the beginning!? I am much like Sarah and Abraham, Lot's wife, and Rebekah. Trying to make things happen in my own time my own way. I've been in serious prayer about these things and can feel God changing my heart, but it hurts and it's hard.

I still don't know the direction God has for me. I can feel him telling me that I'm looking in the wrong places, but I don't know the right places to look.


"He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake" Psalm 23:3

"Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long" Psalm 25:5

"He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them his way" Psalm 25:9

"Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the wilderness. By day the pillar of cloud did not fail to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night to shine on the way they were to take" Nehemiah 9:19

Monday, October 29, 2012

Press On

I wanted to title this post "crap", but refrained. Instead, I'm pressing on. Desperately trying to cling to God's promises and not make a big deal out of earthly shortcomings.

I started training for the temporary job on Monday. I learned pretty much everything I could possibly learn with the exception of some details on expense reports, p.o.'s on the computer, and everyone's extension on the phones. The boss came to me on Thursday and said that I could finish the week, but I wasn't to come back until November 12. Cue the crap.

It was frustrating for so many reasons:
     -I need money
     -Everyone who works there made a BIG deal out of it, and embarrassed me
     -I feel like I didn't listen to the Lord in making the decision to leave the last job

I'm too prideful to ask for my old job back, and my back still hurts, so I'm I probably couldn't even do it. It's not an unbearable pain, just an obnoxious pain. I can work out and live normally, but there's something wrong with it. It's not as bad as it was, but I'm still aware of it. I think the cold is making it ache.

I feel defeated once again and I feel stupid. I don't know what the Lord is doing and I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I will press on, I will seek the Lord, and I will not let the world bring me down.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Pigwidgeon

Our Halloween decoration for the inside of the house consists of this little guy on our shelf in the bedroom.
 Ok, so he's not really the same color as Pigwidgeon, but they're probably the same size. He's super cute sitting next to our picture frame. I'd like to keep him year 'round, or something like him.

The picture frame is a number two with all of our names:
RyanCecillyCocoMosby
Just like the one from last year. It was fun adding Mosby's name. 

(It needs a new frame, this one's is really beat up)


Monday, October 22, 2012

Double Bubble, Toil, and...

No trouble, just pumpkins.

Since we are back at the in-law's and I don't/am not allowed to disturb their environment I don't decorate for holidays, even though I want to sooo badly. My mom was funny enough to give me two small pumpkins when she took me to the zoo. I dressed them up and put them on the front porch.



 I think we'll buy a big pumpkin and do something cute to him and put him on the bottom. And I might be headed to Hobby Lobby or Michael's for a raven or creepy owl figurine.

Friday, October 19, 2012

Blank

Let's catch up...

I'm helping Ryan with his homework. This week I've been doing his macro-econ. and every time the answer is fill in the blank and I don't know the answer, I type the word "blank". Hence the title for this post.

I spray painted a red "M" for Mosby's doghouse. He uses it occasionally, so I thought I'd personalize it. His color is red.

I've been crocheting a lot. I made this cute little bow for my hair and I made one for a friend's baby shower. It was a gray headband with a big gray bow, super cute. I've also been working on beanie hats for the homeless. We're going with our Sunday school group and I thought I'd make them instead of buy them. They're not complete, but when they are I'll show you. I'm also starting a chunky scarf for myself.


Ryan and I started the Insanity workout dvd two weeks ago. We've been consistent despite the pain and the time constraints. The workouts get longer in month two and I don't know where we'll find the time! It is very intense and I don't really like it, but I'll push through for Ryan. We haven't really seen any results yet, but I think we will in about two more weeks. I feel stronger as we do the same workouts and our fit test showed improvement, so we're getting there.
I told Ryan to take a picture of me all sweaty post workout, so you could see how intense it is, but instead he took a picture of my mismatched socks. Don't hate, at least they're the same brand!

I start training for the temporary job on Monday. Whoo it's about time. I'm nervous for several reasons: 1. What if I suck as a receptionist (but honestly can I be as bad as Erin on The Office? Probably not) 2. What if they don't offer me a permanent job. More like, what if there are no permanent jobs to offer?? Starbucks lookout, I might need a job! 3. I really hate doing things wrong and apparently the girl training me isn't so good at her job as it is. Everyone promises to be really nice to me and help me out, because they know the girl might not train me well, but I still don't want to let anyone down.


I'm still reading "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies", because it is painfully boring. I'm also reading though the trashy Stephanie Plum series. It makes me laugh and the books are short reads. Really, I'll read anything and once I start a series, I can't put it down (I even read Twilight), I know it's a sick obsession. 


I would like everyone to be in prayer for me as I start this new job and continue into the new year. I'm unsure of where God wants me and I'm having trouble finding the faith and patience. 

Monday, October 8, 2012

It's a Zoo out there

My mom had Friday off last week, so she took me to the Zoo. Yay, fun.
It was great. We got there kind of early and just looked around at our own pace. The last few times I've been to the zoo I was on a schedule. So this visit was nice. We saw every animal at the zoo that was out. We had some fun.


Monday, October 1, 2012

"Our pets' heads are falling off"

     Okay, well it's not a Dumb and Dumber situation, but our pets' hair is falling out. And it has been for several months. I don't know if you remember when Mosby started losing hair and had bald spots all over him. I posted about it here. He was on medication that stopped most of the hair loss and he no longer had patches. So, we gave him a fish oil supplement and thought all was better. When we moved back to Crosby we noticed some serious thinning going on, so I just took him back to the vet. They think he has an infection that causes him to itch and when he scratches his hair falls out. Whatever. They gave us an antibiotic, a steroid, a cortisone shot, and an antibacterial shampoo.

 Mosby riding shotgun on the way to the doctor

He likes the air conditioner to blow right in his nose

Here we go

All sudsy. We had to wait 15 minutes before it could
be rinsed off. He kept trying to lick it. Yuck.